How to Find and Date a Millionaire

First of all let me start by stating the following: I do not condone this behavior. Not in the slightest. But we’re all adults who are capable of making decisions for ourselves so hey, if that’s your cup of tea, here are the weapons. Do it to yourself. Second, if you’re looking to fall in love with someone for monetary purposes, you’re delving into the most grimy, morally corrupt, heartless realm of dating there is. Period.

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There is no nice way to say it. You will undoubtedly be labeled the scum of the earth for doing so. And you probably should be. If you put money before the heart, you’re going against almost every religion on planet earth. No one will absolve you of your guilty conscience. You’re probably going to be miserable because choosing someone for money means you will definitely rely less on your romantic and sexual compass, and you will rely more on your monetary compass. He or she will probably be ugly (according to the standard of men or women you have dated in your past). There are a few millionaire hotties out there but trust me; they know their value and you’re more likely to get crushed under the weight of their egos and social access than to pull a scheme over on them for their cash.

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Oh yeah, you’re probably going to have to let that age requirement melt away into obscurity too. Why? Because more than likely, he or she is going to be older. Large bank accounts are usually attached to mature minds, or in the very least, someone that has been on earth with enough smarts to amass great wealth and knowledge enough to know how to keep it. You’re probably going to reduce yourself to a step above adult entertainer but not THAT far above the oldest profession in the world, for this individual. This is the business you’re choosing to be in. You’re literally sacrificing your body for money, so what do you think they call people like that? Your financial target will undoubtedly be trying for that second childhood, which means they could care less about what your problems have been. Guess what? To them you will probably be a trophy. And when your looks disappear or the person becomes wiser to what your true goal is, just hope your bank account has enough cushion to carry you into retirement. Because unlike most professions, this job you’ve decided to take expires along with father time (or at least until the next hot man or woman pops up onto that person’s radar).

Are you sure you still want to do this? Are you 100% positive? If so, let’s go!

Given adequate time, falling in love can happen with a pair of socks. It’s mostly a chemical thing anyway. So it’s not surprising that many have realized this and have chosen to seek the person with the golden egg. After all, it’s easier to find someone to take care of you than it is to earn it yourself. I’m not saying that mentality is correct, but I am acknowledging the obvious. Hard work is hard work.

So let’s say you’ve chosen the “easier” route of finding a “Daddy Fat Sacks” or a “Suga Momma”.  How do you go about your search?

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What are some rules you can apply to make your search easier? Well to be honest, you’re not going to find them in your local grocery store shopping for a bag of Skittles. The wealthy rarely do shopping for themselves. You’re also not going to find them in your typical dance clubs banging it out to a Fetty Wap song. Yeah, you can forget stuff like that. To catch a rich person you have to travel the path of the fat cat. You also have to sharpen your weapons, do your homework, and educate yourself about a few things.

So…. Do you REALLY want to know How to Find and Date a millionaire? Here goes…

  1. Set a Reasonable Time Frame: If finding a millionaire to be in a relationship with is your goal, you have to treat it like any attainable feat. You have to give yourself a time period for accomplishing such a task. Why? For one, if you are choosing to ignore all of the moral issues surrounding such a venture, you need to realize that pursuing something so morally corrupt for so long will ultimately change who you are. Instead of going for that type of person as your ideal catch for a specified period of time, you’ll lose your perspective if you devote your entire timeline to it. Soon you’ll notice that you’ll begin to change.
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    You’ll stop caring about your soul, your friends, and soon you’ll start judging everyday individuals (like your friends) by their financial bottom line. With something as dirty as this, you have to get in and get out as quickly as possible before you are completely consumed by the pursuit.


  1. The Physical Commitment: Pursuing a millionaire is not much different than pursuing a regular guy or girl. But it does require that you “buy into” the chase completely. The search requires that you “physically” seek to separate yourself from the normal person you see walking in a mall or at a restaurant. It requires that you view your appearance through the lens of Hollywood Glamour. If you’re a male seeking a rich female, you’re going to have to get ready to live and die in the gym for a while. If you’re a female seeking a rich male, you’re going to view things through your “sexist male” glasses.
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    You literally need to take a photo of yourself and seek to improve every aspect. For some this will mean plastic surgery. For others it will mean identifying hygienic issues and seeking to improve them. You will need to do some serious homework. Your wardrobe? It’ll probably need to be discarded and routinely updated in order to keep abreast to fashion trends (It takes money to make money).

  1. Homework…Homework…Homework: Quick! What state holds the most millionaires? Where do they vacation? What professions hold the most “self-made” millionaires? You’re not only going to have to know those types of things, but you’re also going to have to educate yourself to the types of things millionaires do as hobbies. You don’t want to look like a glassy-eyed boy band groupie when you finally meet them, do you?
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    But you have even more homework to do: Mutual Funds, Treasury Securities, Lines of Credit, Asset Allocation, Expense Ratios, Prospectus…. Better yet, just go ahead and get a Series 6 Investment License. This will prepare you to not only know the terminology your lover will probably be using, but it will also give you a pretty good idea of how to keep that money once it’s been gifted to you.

  1. …and Travel while you’re at it: Be prepared to spend a significant amount of money on travel.
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    Get a passport. Why? Because more than likely, the huge number of millionaires don’t reside in your city. You’re going to have to travel there.

  1. Emotional Discipline Required: You know what? It’s pretty hard to be a “Yes” person. But in most cases, that’s exactly what you’re going to have to become. You have to practice restraint. He or she is sure to act like an idiot from time to time. Normally you would tell your friends which extremity they can kiss if they get on your nerves. But you can’t tell your target that. You’ll also need to learn when to push for “love” and when to shut your mouth. Nothing scares men more than that word, so you can surely imagine what a wealthy man feels about it.
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    And while you’re at it, you’re going to have to learn to attach levels of sexual performance to his or her emotional perception. If you give too much, you’re going to be labeled a “jump off”. If you give too little, you’re going to run the risk of competition taking what’s yours. There is a fine science to it. But….. If you give based on the “I’ve never felt such a deep connection with someone in my life” emotional ploy, you will find that you’re able to blow his or her mind and explore without seeming like a loose person.

  1. DO NOT LIE ABOUT YOUR LIFE: People with money can hire a private investigator without even thinking about it. It’s a necessary expense when you’re a global target. So maybe you should AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME he or she will do a background investigation on you.
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    Be as truthful as humanly possible without giving away the kitchen sink. Tell him about mom and dad. Tell her about brothers and sisters. But please, DO NOT TALK ABOUT PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS. Rich or poor, no man or woman wants too much information about your ex. It’s taboo. Otherwise, give on the things you know you can’t hide. Don’t call yourself a rocket scientist if you know you work at Wholefoods Grocery. He or she will find out. It also prevents you from having to keep track of how many lies you’ve told.

  1. Keep Your Financial Ambitions to Yourself: Friends are good to have. But there is no way you should ever reveal to a friend what your goal is when it comes to something as dirty as this. Keep your mouth closed. Otherwise the haters will arrive, judgments abound. Play this one close. Don’t tell a single soul.
  1. Develop the “I Don’t Want Your Money” Mentality: The first thing that a wealthy person will think is that you are after his or her money. You know what? Flip it. Get several credit cards. Get your bank account in decent shape. Whenever you go out with Richie Rich or Cindy Cash, pay for your own drinks.
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    Offer to pay dinner. Whenever there’s an opportunity to carry your load, carry it with pride. Anything outside of a weekend getaway to Hawaii or an exclusive spa date, pay. It temporarily blinds him or her to your true ambition.

  1. Cling without Being Clingy: You may not want that big fish to ever get away. But there are ways to keep yourself in someone’s thoughts without being intrusive. Make yourself unavailable a few times when he or she requests your presence.
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    When they have something to do, let them go. But even when they go, you don’t want them to get away so you should drop a text message letting them know if you’re going out with a friend. DO NOT drop continuous phone messages that include variations of “Just thinking of you”. That is an instant way to place yourself in that DO NOT CALL category without knowing it.

  1. Keep all Evidence of Your Intentions out: A superstar once complained that a girl he was dating left her phone on the table when she went to the restroom. He entered her cell phone and saw an internet search on “How much is ____ worth”.
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    He instantly paid the bill and left before she returned. Don’t be that stupid. Cleanse your cell phone of stupid stuff that may tell him or her of your intentions. All numbers that aren’t relevant to friendship or may be taken the wrong way need to be expunged. Expect that they will search your purse or wallet.