Why Your Mom is a Hater

Mothers are supposed to be nurturing. They are the individuals daughters look to for emotional guidance in this world. Mothers by virtue of wisdom are supposed to teach their daughters how to navigate life’s pitfalls by offering an abundance of advice. Whether daughters accept that advice is one thing but it should be offered nonetheless.

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Daughters’ emotional blueprints are often structured by what their mothers give them and they use those blueprints to teach their own families about love.

But something needs to be said about the reality of it all… Most mothers are some SERIOUS haters.

Now before I begin, this is not an article meant to be disrespectful against women. No, I don’t have women issues. And no, I don’t hate my mother. I have four sisters and I respect all women. This is not an article meant to prop men up like we’re superior in behavior. No, it’s quite the opposite. Men can be worse; much worse. But this isn’t an article about us men so I digress.

This is an article about what many of us know yet refuse to admit. Your mom, if not currently, has been or continues to be a hater. No? Listen to this…

Ladies, has your mother ever complained about how you show too much cleavage or how those jeans hug your hips too tightly?

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And did you ever see those old pics in her old scrap book with her looking like the clothing was painted on her body?

What about marriage and grandchildren? Any pressure there? Isn’t it funny how you’re the only girl left, who she knows, that hasn’t tied the knot or given her 200 grandchildren?

Or how about the time when she told you some stuff about being virtuous?  “Good girls wait” is what she said, right? And then you saw those Woodstock photos or pictures of her at a Bruce Springsteen concert looking totally weeded out with five or six dudes posing in a photo with her. How did she try to explain that one to you? Do you think she went home alone?

Remember how you told her about how happy you were that you and your boyfriend had just celebrated your 2 year anniversary? Remember what she said?

“I wouldn’t get too comfortable honey. They all leave in the end.”

What kind of hating stuff was that?

Or how about the time the two of you went shopping and the guy at the mall was seriously trying to talk to you? What did your hating mom do? She jumped in the conversation and threw some serious shade.

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You watched in absolute horror as she batted her eyes, rubbed his arm and talked about older women knowing more than younger girls, literally stealing your shine to get her flirt on. If there was any more shade thrown you would’ve called her Rain Forest.

What about that time you went and got a new hairstyle? Remember that? You dyed your hair blond and got a ton of attention when you were out and about. You think she didn’t notice? She surely did because two days later she dyed her hair the same color and chalked it up to some weak mother/daughter bonding crap. But you knew what the deal was, didn’t you?

No matter what you do, she’s trying to steal your shine. Good grades in school? You got your high IQ from her (failing to see the obvious contradiction in her 20 year secretarial career at Bromwell & Wheeler). Remember when your father complimented you on your dress? It just so happened, that was the very same dress that your mother was going to buy but it seemed too “out of season” for her tastes (also failing to explain how she would manage to climb into it with that piece of Samsonite luggage masquerading as a gut).

No matter your ethnicity, age, or background, moms always come with hate. And that hate is almost always aimed at their daughters. Meanwhile the daughters have to deal with emotions ranging from “Why did my mom have to do that” to “If she were my girl I’d kick her….” Why do moms need to be such big haters? Didn’t they have their turn at life? Shouldn’t things be more about you and less about them?

Here are 5 Reasons Why Your Mom is a Hater

  1. She wants to live through you: People make so many problems growing up that they often seek a second chance through their children. They often believe that if they had refused “this” person or said “yes” to that opportunity that their lives would have a different outcome. They’re wrong of course.
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    Their lives are intimately tied to their abilities and how strong their commitment is. Dreamers eventually have to open their eyes and put thought to action. Your mom, like so many other people, became tired or overwhelmed by the hard work involved in chasing her dream and she gave up. It didn’t matter if her ultimate goal in life was to work at a grocery store. What matters is the effort she put into making that dream a reality. She wasn’t able to do that and now wants a second chance through you.


  1. She’s not happy with who she is: Whether it’s a failed marriage or a boring job, mothers are human too. Sometimes her “Don’t miss out on this opportunity” is actually “I wish I had taken this opportunity”. She may be depressed at her inability to move forward with life.
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    Maybe she’s not happy that she’s become overweight. Self-hate often manifests itself through the criticism of others. Unfortunately, you’ve become the target.

  1. She may want to be you: Just like the high school cheerleader that always seemed to get all of the attention from the hottest guys, your mom is no different. Being an adult often dulls the acute attention to fashion, fitness, and what’s popular. And although that’s true, some people always hold a little envy for the girl that just seems to have it all. Right now, that “it” girl is her daughter.
  1. Her love life sucks: It’s funny how men can easily detect a woman that isn’t getting any “good-good”. But most women can detect the same thing. If your mom hasn’t had the cobwebs cleaned in over a decade, maybe she’s envious of someone who can get the cleaning service any time or any hour of the day.
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    And if that person just happens to be a younger, slimmer, sexier version of who she used to be (like her daughter), it can be more than a little painful to witness. Sex not only indicates caring, it also is a stress reliever.

  1. Fear: I know it’s hard for you to see this but maybe, just maybe….. Your mom really cares! While many moms often go overboard, most moms temper being bossy with TRYING to let their child experience life through ups and downs.
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    The best teacher is failure, but if it can be avoided, why not warn your daughter about a mistake you experienced in your past? It really is a good thing to learn from the mistakes of others.