On-again, Off-again Relationships

You love him and he’s the greatest boyfriend you’ve ever had.

You hate his guts and you hope he dies.

He’s so sweet.

He’s the meanest jerk on earth.

You’ll never leave him.

You wish you never met him.

Welcome to the life of the on-again-off-again couple. One moment they’re as close as two loving soulmates dancing harmoniously in unison. The next minute they have weapons drawn; willing to battle until death.

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They apply separation, space and distance at the hint of any disagreement with their lover; refusing to acknowledge the damage being caused. Yet, they quickly reconnect with that same partner. And like a skillful anesthesiologist, they eliminate any trace of pain or argument as if it never occurred.  They don’t operate within the boundaries of normal love. Satin and knives are their Modus operadi; leaving no expression of love unexplored, leaving no insult too painful to speak. They are love’s temperamental ghosts.

Speak with any person involved in an on-again-off-again relationship and it’s like talking to one of the most tortured, damaged, stupid people ever to walk the earth.

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They constantly moan about their lover’s immovable positions during arguments, failing to realize their own selfishness. They cry about the failure of love and how ‘hope’ has been taken hostage by callous, sex-craved beasts only out for one thing.


That was last week. This week she’s raving about how her lover has seen the error in his ways and returned to love. The experience of being apart has made him such a deep philosopher on affairs of the heart. If only she’d listened to his words of wisdom, they could’ve avoided so much heartache.

Scratch that. He just missed her.

Scratch that. She just missed him. You just can’t keep two people who love each other apart, right?

Oh… Never mind the fact that he called you the ‘B’ word, your mother the ‘B’ word and included anyone in the world that tried to give you some advice that pointed towards your exodus from that horrible relationship. You absolved him of it because “He really loves me”.

Oh…. Never mind that she only breaks up with you during major parties or holidays. That’s your boo. She’s the love of your life. She’s your wifey. Okay…. So she slept with that one guy in your apartment building.

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But you can’t hold that against her because “technically” the two of you weren’t together.

And then the next week rolls around only to find that same couple on the outs again.

With society at the mercy of the “like” button, it’s not surprising that so many people are experiencing this indecisive and reckless behavior. Many of us have moved beyond accountability; accepting irresponsible behavior from those that claim to love us and not really loving ourselves enough to even demand that basic level of respect.

To be even more honest, a lot of people walk around in a haze. Most don’t realize that they are even in these deadly relationships. Most subscribe to the theory that all relationships are on-again-off-again to a certain degree and fail to see the deep hole they themselves have fallen into.

For those that choose this way of life, there are so many reasons you need to end it. You’re risking so much by continuing this kind of relationship. Here are 10 Reasons You Need to End Your On-Again-Off-Again Relationship:

  1. Health risk: If you’re in a relationship with someone for a few weeks and then you’re not the next week, guess what? You’re not in a relationship. This person could be and probably is sleeping with multiple partners and leaning on the fact that you were “temporarily” not together during that time to avoid being held accountable.
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    Translation: Everyone that person has slept with, you have slept with. You may as well have climbed into their bed to have a threesome. And you know nothing about this other person! They may equally sleep around like it’s nothing. And when your man or woman returns to your bed, they may be bringing a disease with them.


  1. You’re a sex object: That’s right. You’re reducing yourself to the level of personal sex object when you engage in an on-again-off-again relationship.
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    Sure, this person SAYS that it’s emotional and that they love you. But giving someone permission to bump uglies with you and then lay with whoever they want when they’re not, is not the definition of love. Love requires commitment. Love requires fidelity. Love requires self-control. If you’re missing any of those in your relationship then you don’t have one.

  1. You’re confused: Agreeing to have an “open” relationship is one thing. If it’s that then call it that.
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    But what makes that an impossibility for you is the fact that you would go absolutely ballistic if you discovered your mate had slept with someone else, while still with you…..this week. So you do not classify this as an open relationship. What you do have is a twisted version of that same type of arrangement. Like it or not, it’s as open as an outhouse…and just as nasty.

  1. You’re being abused: Basically a relationship is giving someone the power to harm you, but trusting them to never do it.
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    In all relationships you are given the keys to the other person’s inner most workings; their emotions, what hurts them, what makes them happy. But if you give those things to someone and they learn how to use them to get what they want, well that’s abuse. Maybe he’s not physically smacking you around the apartment but if he knows things like your father abandoning your family and uses it to break up and reconcile to get what he wants, that is abuse. And another thing… You’re also abusing yourself! If you know something is bad for you and you continue to do it, that’s literally you hurting yourself. It’s like being told by the doctor not to smoke cigarettes and doing it anyway.

  1. What if you bring kids into this mess: Contrary to what the average person thinks, sex is only supposed to be performed for two reasons: 1. Love 2. To procreate

Sure you can do it to have fun but with all of the risks to your health, you’re only supposed to be having that fun with someone that you love. The thing about sex is if you do it frequently enough you’re going to run into the second reason for doing it. Making babies. That’s right. Babies.

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If you don’t know why you and your lover are behaving in such an on-again-off-again manner in your relationship, why would you want to subject a baby to that? That would be the pure definition of “hot mess”. Oh, I’ve heard some people say, “Maybe a baby is what we need to bring us closer”. Yeah, right. An on-again-off-again relationship is as selfish as it comes. Do you really believe when the time arrives for making decisions about the wellbeing of a small soul you and your man can put aside selfish ways to do the right thing? No way! If you couldn’t do the right thing when there were just the two of you, you’ll fight like cats and dogs when that baby arrives.

  1. No future: How can you plan for the future when you don’t even know if you will be together beyond Thanksgiving? It’s impossible.
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    You’re basically trapping your life in the moment of “right now” for this person. But life moves fast. If you want to sacrifice your life and dreams for a “maybe” situation, go ahead. Just be prepared for zero movement and no accomplishments worth acknowledging.


  1. Loss of friends: Get ready. Your friends are about to start dropping like flies. No one wants to be around a dummy. The thing about friends is that they are protective because they genuinely care.
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    And if you’re dating a jerk that connects with you at his convenience, one of your friends is bound to complain to you about the way he’s treating you. And there’s nothing worse than having a friend give you their opinion about your personal relationship when you didn’t ask them for it. Soon you’re calling that friend less and very soon afterwards you’re not speaking. Get ready. Friends hate the on-again-off-again couple.

  1. Loss of income: Nobody really considers this when getting into relationships but it is absolutely a reality. If you’re in an on-again-off-again relationship, you’re going to lose some money. Oh, the loss of money could come from a number of places.
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    Maybe she’s a deadbeat. Maybe he’s a sponge. But more than likely you’re going to lose money at the job due to depression. It’s hard to go to work when you feel like crawling into bed and never coming out. Depression does that to you.

  1. Family strain: Yeah, your family is going to know who this guy is; the jerk that keeps breaking their little girl’s heart. Maybe you’re going to overstep a few family boundaries for him.
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    Maybe you’re going to tell a few lies on his behalf. Maybe you’re going to have a couple of fights about the guy. Either way, your family relationship is going to be impacted due to your inability to cut the jerk lose.

  1. Damage to future relationships: When you finally gain the strength to end this dumb relationship (or he does) the damage will continue. You may as well name yourself Samsonite because you’re definitely going to be carrying a lot of baggage to your next relationship.
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    You may have issues about trust that can’t be easily overcome. Maybe your new guy is patient and understands. Or maybe he cuts you lose. Nobody wants to be a janitor in the beginning of a relationship. Nobody wants to be cleaning up your mess.