When Your Man is Ashamed of You

You couldn’t believe it when he called you; the guy from apartment 403. The Adonis. He’s the one that all of the women gazed at when he sat in the lobby sipping a cup of coffee.

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He was the all-knowing lover that dominated your imagination (and surely numerous others), kissed you from head to toe and pushed you to do things you’d never imagined doing every night in your dreams.

Yeah. Him.

You secretly pined over this guy for months and months; watching, waiting, hoping that he’d notice that the two of you were meant to be. You teetered dangerously on being labeled a stalker, trying to figure out his work schedule or what time you could ride in the elevator with him.

You often sat and watched him with the patience of a tom cat; studying his attractions and the type of people who was attracted to him.

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You gagged at the type of women that threw themselves at him. They ranged from flirty to desperate as they tried to approach him in the typical flirtatious way that most women approach men. They’d smile and giggle and flash a little T&A, thinking that was the best way to his heart.

Ha! Yeah, right.

Out of all of those women you were the only one that seemed to do the research. Only you knew the truth about who he was.

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You knew him to be a thinker.  He was a person that valued the heart over the body. While he may have been the type of man that appreciated physical beauty, you were positive that a bookworm (which you clearly were) had a greater chance at romantic success than Silicon Suzie. He was deeper than superficial presentations.

And so you strategized. You thought about topics of conversation to engage him in and you made sure you had all of your angles covered. You didn’t want to be too aggressive in your approach. No, he would surely shut you down. Instead you decided to take your time. You wanted to gain his attention one interesting conversation at a time.

And so one day you decided to strike up a conversation with him. It went well. No major snafus there. The second conversation was a bit warmer. You had his attention and he seemed interested. After that second conversation he knew your name and the two of you greeted one another whenever you ran into each other (which you guaranteed to happen at least twice a week). Soon you were speaking with him regularly.

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The next thing you knew days moved to weeks and weeks moved to months. Suddenly the two of you were hot and heavy in a relationship.

That is how things progressed. That is how you got to the point where you are right now. That’s how you became his girlfriend.

It’s been about 8 months since the two of you decided to make that leap into a relationship. During that time you’ve had to get over your fantasies and focus on who he is. He’s had to do some adjusting too. But together the two of you have built a good relationship. It’s strong and continues to grow every day. Nothing could be better.

Well…. Except for this one thing.

It started about a month into your relationship. Whenever the two of you decided to go out at night your man becomes Don Juan.

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He’s over the top with affection, romance, and attention. You love it! You accept that kind of attention with open arms. It’s what you’ve always craved.

But daytime hangouts are another issue. Whenever you’re in public he walks far ahead of you or falls slightly behind you. He never holds your hand. The most you can expect is that he opens the door for you. Nothing more. Once you tried to kiss him and he gave a fake cough to avoid you. You went in again thinking it was a one-off situation and he pretended to drop something to avoid the kiss again. Feeling rejected you decided not to try a third time.

You had a talk with him about feeling as though he’s ashamed of being with you. He denied it and simply stated that sometimes he’s just not in the mood to be romantic. You could understand that. No one wants to be romantic all of the time. That’s an unfair requirement to have in any relationship. But that explanation did nothing to explain the daylight avoidance.

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Romance is not governed by the appearance of the sun and the moon. Nevertheless you decided to let the issue die. You were with the man of your dreams. There’s no need to complain when you have what you’ve always wanted. You can’t win everything. Yet the evidence supporting his embarrassment continues to pile up against him.

There was this one time in the mall when the two of you were shopping. You were holding hands and window shopping without a care in the world. Suddenly he let go of your hand and shoved his fists into his pockets. You looked around and noticed a large group of people walking on the other side of the walkway, within sight of you but nowhere near where the two of you were walking.


You became very angry. The look on your boyfriend’s face told it all. It was exactly what you had complained about. He seemed to be ashamed of you.

Being in love is a celebration. When you’ve found the person you’ve always wanted and they care for you equally, it is natural to show that love, regardless of the surroundings. Generally speaking, true love can’t be contained anyway. Real love will ultimately spill out in public no matter what a person does to try to keep it hidden.

But there are some people out there that have their own agendas when it comes to PDAs (Public Displays of Affection). They don’t care who they hurt or what their loved ones will think. They want to show their love only when they feel like doing it.

But refusing to show affection when a loved one wants it can also be a dangerous sign. It could tell you that while your relationship may be good on the surface, it may not be as strong as you think.

Here are 5 Reasons Your Man is Ashamed of You:

  1. You’re not his standard: Many men and women have relationships with people in which they have “settled”.
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    Their lover is not their first choice. Furthermore, while the sex may be great and they may be getting certain things out of that relationship, it doesn’t mean they want to be seen with that person.


  1. He could be cheating: You know your man. You know what his romantic tendencies are and how often he does things. If your man went from showing love at any time of the day to not showing anything at all, it could be a sign that he’s cheating. He may be afraid that the other lover will see him out in public (or that one of her friends will snitch on him).
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    But here’s the scary part. If he’s hiding his relationship with you, that means that your relationship is the least valued one and he doesn’t care about losing it.

  1. He wants to keep his options open: How many times have you walked down the street and seen an attractive person and thought,

“Wow. Too bad I’m in a relationship.”

The average person has these types of situations happen to them all of the time. But the difference between them and your man is that they acknowledge them as “lusting” or fantasizing.

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But your man has taken things to another level. He is actively looking. He’s separated himself from you in the hopes of finding that hot girl. How he plans on talking to that hot girl while being in your presence is another topic of discussion, but let’s just say he’s “looking” and wants to keep his options open.

  1. He feels awkward: Maybe your man is just one of those types of people that feels weird about public displays of affection. Maybe it’s a situation where he just hasn’t come to terms with PDAs and wants to avoid it.


  1. You’re ugly to others: I know the first question you’re going to ask:

“How would he know if you’re ugly to others?”

Well he doesn’t. But he may have friends that have told him so. Remember, some people get into relationships for the approval of other people.

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They’re too chicken-hearted to define love and beauty for themselves and so they will create and break relationships based on what their friends may think. No one is truly ugly when it comes to love. But if he’s living for others, that could be what’s keeping his behavior in the stupid category.

Love is a funny thing. It can be our greatest triumph or our greatest defeat. But when you’re with someone who isn’t being respectful of your feelings maybe you should consider moving on. There’s a difference between being shy and being disrespectful. If someone is so shallow that they care more about what the general public thinks than your feelings then you should probably move on.