The Real Reasons People Break Up

If you ask anyone the following question, how would they answer?

“What would cause a healthy relationship to end?”

9 out of 10 people you asked would give you the same generic answers:
1. No romance
2. Cheating
3. Abuse
While those answers are true, terminating a relationship is often a lot more complex than those categories. Sometimes (but often mostly) relationships commence and terminate on the most trivial of issues. Humans are mostly full of crap when it comes to being honest about who we are and what pushes our buttons. We care too much about perception. And so, on top of lying to the people we interact with on a daily basis, we ultimately end up lying to ourselves about motivations and decision making.
But today it’s time to speak honestly about love.

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Here are the 5 Real Reasons People Break Up:

1. Money: Pop that crap all you want about love not being about money but if your lover loses their job and remains unemployed because they don’t want to work, what’s the first thing you’re thinking about doing? Kicking him out on his can. And let’s say he doesn’t know the meaning of savings and blows all of his money by the time rent is due? Yep. Pack your stuff and stay at your buddy’s house. And women aren’t that much better on this subject. Fellas, if your girl shops at the hottest stores before paying that rent, what would you do? And I’ll keep it even MORE REAL with you. What would you do if your lover went from making six figures to making $10 per hour? It’s not a cool though but most of us would be laying awake at night trying to strategize on ways to put that person out with the trash. It’s just facts folks. Money rules the world.

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2. Bad Sex: Okay. We’re not talking about a one off. We’re talking about consistently bad. Maybe his stick is too short. Maybe she moans like a wounded hippo. Maybe he’s Mr. Ten Pumps and done. Maybe she rocks more missionary than a third world country. Maybe he wants you to do some things that make you question his manhood. Maybe she has a much rhythm as the Mount St. Helens. But you get my point by now right. Sex diminishes as you get older. But maaaaan, while you’re young to middling, it’s about getting your rocks off. And nothing will crush your relationship quicker than bad sex.

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3. Bad Hygiene: Most of us work. I get that. And at some point, you’re going to stink. That’s what showers are made for. Two per day and more when you smell that funk. But okay… For a grown man to have Hershey stripes and just climb his stinking a** into the sack with his woman? Gross! Or for the men, if your woman showers every other day? Come on. If she removes those clothes and it smells like a fresh shipment of mackerel, then you shouldn’t have to tell her to get into the shower. But like it or not, some people got that serious B-Funk. And if you find yourself having to constantly beg and plead for your lover to wash their stinking a**, then it might be time to call it a wrap.


4. No Cooking Skills: We are the Mickey D’s generation. That means no time to spend in the kitchen. We want it quick. We want it now. And we don’t want to be the ones to cook it. But guess what? No man wants a woman that can’t cook. At all. It’s not sexist if it’s true, ladies. A woman that can’t cook is a dangerous thing in a marriage. That might be all right for dating folk. But that is not the move for a married woman. Cooking at home is healthier, safer and brings you closer by spending more time together. And guys…. No woman wants to do all the cooking 365. If anything, both of you should be in that kitchen cooking it up TOGETHER! You cooked when you were a bachelor, why not after marriage? That’s nuts! You think she’s going to have one more chore and you’re not supposed to also help with that chore. If you don’t help cook, maybe she should stop feeding your no-helping a**. Don’t let your ego get your stupid a** sit out with that Monday morning garbage. People will leave because of this.

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5. Flatulence: Occasionally when I’m online I’ll see one or two articles on how it’s okay for a couple to pass gas in front of each other. Let’s me be the first to tell you… H*LL NO! It’s manners baby. Your mom and dad should’ve taught you that as a kid. I know it’s healthier to let it out than to hold it in. But taking 10 steps to a bathroom before you do so isn’t that freaking hard. There are exceptions. I get it. First of all, you can’t help letting one go when you’re sleeping. That’s beyond your control. But d*mn it, do you know how many relationships were ruined because the guy was just letting the nastiest smells blow around his woman. If you’re dating you’re battling the romance factor. It’s really hard to imagine romance when the smell of sh*t is overpowering the potpourri she has around the house. And nothing is more unromantic than a woman that passes gas like she’s just drawing a regular breath. Accidents happen. We can deal with those. But beyond that, get up and take your bloated a** to the bathroom.

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***Runners Up:
Bad Breath

Jealous Friends

No Time for Yourself

Your Hating A** Family 

Unwanted responsibilities